KHANA

A few things about restaurants in India

1. In the hybrid Hindi-English language that exists in India the word "Hotel" has been reassigned to mean restaurant. Most restaurants have titles like Hyderabad's "Shadab Hotel" and unless the sign specifies "Lodging" or "Accommodation" it is not a hotel in our understanding of the word.

2. The number of menus you receive shall always be less than the number of members in your party and shall never exceed four. Number of menus < number of hungry people.

3. The menu shall always include about 100 items of which, about 30 will actually be available. The wise diner prepares at least three alternatives to suggest to the waiter.

4. On the other hand, if you order something not listed on the menu, it is highly likely that it will be provided for you. This rule especially applies to alcohol. Few restaurants actually have liquor licenses, but if you ask for beer they will gladly find some and bring it to you, often sending a waiter to the liquor store across the street with your money. To keep things secret, the beer may or may not be served to you in a tea pot.

5. Most restaurants advertise being "Multicuisine" which generally means North Indian food, South Indian food, Chinese food, and American food. It is generally advisable to stick with the Indian food.

6. Restaurants generally have several dining sections. Usually these sections are a casual, crowded section on the ground floor where all of the local men eat, a fancy, more expensive, air-conditioned "family" section on the second or third floor where, as a white female you will be forced to sit, and more subdivisions of those two groups.

7. The waiter (always male) will seat you at your table and remain standing there until you tell him everything you want to order: drink, appetizers, main courses, etc. Trying to order one course at a time, or trying to change your order will inevitably result in confusion.

8. Everything is clearly marked Veg. or Non-Veg.

9. Everything is delicious.

10. At the end of the meal you will receive a handful of fennel.