Kickin' Asana

This week my attention has been primarily focused on my four-part yoga certification exam. Recall my strenuous first day of yoga? I probably had more doubts than anyone, but with a little determination I actually made it to yoga class at 6AM five days a week for the past three months. Once I got used to waking up before dawn I actually began to really enjoy the course. I certainly know a lot more about yoga now, but I’m looking forward to sleeping in a little longer for the next few weeks now that the exam is over.

On Monday we arrived at 6 for the first part of the exam in which our two cartoonish yoga instructors, known affectionately to the American students in the class as “Old-Man Yoga” and “The Younger Guy,” tested us on our knowledge of the asanas (yoga poses). Each person was asked to do a series of poses which was difficult enough, but the real challenge was having to memorize all of the unpronounceable Sanskrit names like “Shalambasana” and “Gomukhasana” so that we could perform the correct poses. They also asked us to meditate and then evaluated our meditating. I still don’t have any idea how one can be graded on this...but I’ve learned it’s easier not to ask such questions.

Part two of the exam was a written test on yoga theory. This took place at 6AM on Wednesday and required us to sit for a few hours and write essays for prompts like “Name the seven Chakras and describe their role in the body” or “Describe the method of practicing Sarvangasana and its variations.”

Part three of the exam was the same as part two except this time it was held at 5PM when the yoga studio had heated up to 106 degrees (that's not an exaggeration) and this time we were writing essays about anatomy and psychology with questions like “How does meditation support mental well-being,” or “How does yoga benefit circulation?”

The final part of the exam was the same as the first part of the exam except this time with an “external examiner,” meaning this time we got to perform yoga poses for some stranger that we had never seen before. Again, this exam had a 6AM start time and lasted an exhausting, asana-filled four hours. I totally failed my headstand, but I did a pretty beautiful Supta Vajrasana and Chakrasana if I do say so myself. We were also asked to perform “Jalaneti,” the cleansing yogic practice of pouring water into your nose until it starts draining out of the other nostril. It feels not unlike drowning and I have lovingly named this practice “Waterboarding-asana.” Body stretched, mind cleared and sinuses full of water, I hastily left the exam at 10 AM with my fellow survivor, Craig at which point we devoured an enormous breakfast like a pair of enlightened savages.

The exam, and the semester of 5:30 AM alarm clocks is now behind me and I am well on my way to becoming a diploma-holding mystical yogi. I should find out about my certification within a few weeks. Tonight, myself and the two other Americans who survived the yoga exam process plan on some well-deserved partying and tomorrow…WE’RE SLEEPING IN!!!